I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
