Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
