Your mouth is God's brothel.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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