i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
