I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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