Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
