that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
