He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize