i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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