Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
