KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
