I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
