I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize