wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
now i know why i became what i already was.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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