Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
