bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
