sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
