Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
