i can't believe i had my finger in that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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