thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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