So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
