peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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