He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
