party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
