He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
