She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
