She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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