please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
