If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize