PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
