just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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