I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
