I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
