I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
