all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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