Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm lost and stupid without you.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Randomize
