just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
