True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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