When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize