Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
