i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
