Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
