life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
