yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
