Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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