If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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