Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
