Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
either way he was missing a nipple.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
