I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize