they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
