if i can run in heels then i can drive
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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