She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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