do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
