i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
