There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she peed on how many people?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize