dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
