My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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