You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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