i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
