Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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