Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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