So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
