My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
