I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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