She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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