she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
