The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
