Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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