Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
