captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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